I Will Destroy Their Happiness
by ReginasPeasant
Summary: Evil Charming AU: Regina has stolen Snow White's husband, and now she wants revenge. Dark Snow. CRACK FIC


_Author's Note: Regular disclaimers. I do not own anything. Loosely inspired by the Swan Queen fic "Adventures of Cora Mills." Honestly, Evil Charming is my crack OTP. So, I wrote a crack fic. I really want to make this into a series so tell me what you think. :)_

* * *

**The Announcement**

David and Regina were both sitting on the same side of the booth at Granny's. Snow, still wondering why she came, sat opposite them trying to understand if she had heard the news correctly. Of course, she had suspected her husband was having an affair for some time now. There were the usual indicators. The wrong shade of lipstick on his collar. Sneaking back into bed late at night. The gifts he suddenly lavished on her with for no real reason. But Regina? He wouldn't betray her like this. It seemed to unreal. She realized Charming was still talking and tried to focus.

"You have to understand, Snow. Regina and I never meant to hurt you..."

"Speak for yourself!" the other woman scoffed. "I'm loving this." She smiled wide as tears streaked across her mortal enemy's face.

"How could you?" she whimpered to her husband.

David leaned over to his lover's ear. "We talked about this. Try and be nice."

Regina haphazardly cleared her throat, and began again. "We are really very sorry. I am with Charming, and he's with me. This isn't just some sort of cruel trick or spell. We're in love." Snow watched Regina scoop Charming's hand into hers and smile.

"I... I don't understand."

Regina's voice sounded oddly affectionate. "For the first time in a long time, I am truly happy. I thought I lost the ability, but David... he's made me believe in love again."

"No?!" Mary Margaret shouted.

"Snow, please." Charming tried to calm his wife down.

"My god, you're my husband. We're married, and you have sex with... this."

"Hey?" Regina retaliated.

"Oh, shut up. As if my husband wasn't your first conquest. Honestly Regina, is there anyone in this town that you _haven't_ slept with?"

"I resent that implication! Sure, I've slept with people in town, but I wouldn't call it extensive."

"Really? Let's see, first there was Graham."

"We worked very late hours. We became close."

"Then, there was Hook."

"What can I say? I'm a sucker for bad boys."

"Then, what about Archie, your therapist?!"

"I had a lot of tension. He helped relieve it. He _is_ a doctor. You would know a little something about that, wouldn't you Snow?"

Her cheeks went hot crimson red. As if this wasn't embarrassing enough. Regina, of all people, had to bring up her one night stand with Dr. Whale.

"I don't have to sit here and listen to this."

Charming called after her. "Snow, please? Let's talk about this."

"No. Congratulations Regina. You've finally gotten your revenge. I hope you're very happy together." She couldn't finish the last sentence before bursting into tears. Before she completely fell apart, she ran for the door.

David went to stand up, but Regina stopped him. "Let her go. She has a right be angry. She just needs time."

* * *

Couple hours later, Emma got an urgent text from her mother. With Storybrooke being the small town that it was, she already had an good idea of what it was about. Needing reinforcements, she stopped by the grocery before knocking on Mary Margaret's door.

"Charming?" Snow answered with a perky grin. "Oh, it's you."

"I brought ice cream?" Emma shook the bag of goodies in her hand and offered a sympathetic smile.

Snow sighed. "Come in."

Emma stepped cautiously into Snow's apartment.

"I see you've done some... redecorating."

Emma stepped over countless cut up photos with holes where her father's face should have been. There were a few photos of Regina. However, her face was marked in Sharpie and given mustaches, pitch forks, and devil horns. The kitchen looked as if it had layer of grim caked over top it. Charming was always the cook in house, and Snow could hardly boil an egg. Also, the laundry was laying over in heaps over all of the furniture. Mary Margaret herself was fashioning a set of very baggy, very stained sweatpants and a triple XL tee shirt that read: _I Ate the Storybrooke Burger Buster. _

"You know, it's okay to be mad about all this?" Her daughter tripped over a pile of dirty clothes.

"I'm not angry." Snow said curtly. She slammed a set of dirty dishes into the sink. The lime yellow water overflowed into each other.

"Honestly?" Emma said sarcastically still trying to take it the shambles of the home she left perfectly spotless earlier that morning.

"No. I'm fine."

"Mom. is that Regina's picture on a dart board?!"

"It is not." Snow ripped the photo away and threw in the trash can. "I... found it in your father's nightstand."

"I'm sorry. You want some ice cream?"

Snow rolled her eyes. "Fine."

After several spoonfuls of double chocolate fudge, Emma's mother finally began to open up. "I hate her. I wish she was dead."

"Come on, you don't mean that."

"No, Emma. I do. I want to rip her evil little heart out her chest, and show her what a terrible, awful person she is."

"She is not terrible or awful."

"You're right. She's a slut."

"Mom."

"What?!"

"Don't you blame Dad? Even just a little bit? I mean he slept with her too."

"I can't think about that right now." She shoved another spoonful of chocolate in her mouth. "It's just... wrong. Like biblical speaking. The thought of them..." Mary Margaret was unable to finish her thought as she made a severely grossed out face. "You know what I think?" she said pointing her spoon at her daughter.

"I have a feeling you're going to tell me."

"I bet... she has all kinds of diseases."

"MOM!"

"No, I'm serious. We both know how many people she's slept with in this town. I mean, who really knows what she's contracted?"

Emma scolded her own mother. "That's not fair, and you know it."

Snow stabbed the spoon into a half empty tub of cream. "After everything she's put this family through..."

"You can't be that hard on her."

"And why the hell not?"

"She's not _that_ bad a person, Mom. I mean even I've..." She stopped herself a little to quickly.

"Oh my gawd!" Her mother gasped in horror.

"We were both drunk. It was a one time thing. We _both_ regretted it in the morning."

"Oh. My. Gawd!" Mary Margaret went to her room, threw herself on the bed, and buried her face in among the pillows. "My life is nightmare. Is there no one in this family that has slept with the Wicked Witch of the West?"

"Actually, the wicked witch was from the Wizard of the Oz, but..."

"I don't give a damn where the reference is from, Emma. She's a witch, and I'm going to stop her. I'm breaking them up."

"What? No. Listen, the situation is not ideal, but they both seem genuinely happy and I don't think..."

"That because it's _my fucking happiness_! It's _my husband _and _your father._ And I'll be damned if I let her take that from me."

Emma plopped down on the bed next to her. "Now who's sounding like the Evil Queen?"

"Shut up. You know I'm right."

"I know, that Dad shouldn't have slept around. I know, that Regina is a very sad, broken woman. I know, that _you _know better than to seek mindless revenge against people. It never works, and it won't make you happy."

"If it gets my husband back, I think it will." She stormed back into the kitchen to her ice cream. "Where are the nuts?!"

_Apparently in your head._ Emma thought to herself.


End file.
